Finally, we have a great week.  The sun is out.  Plants are popping out of the ground.  And I broke through my floor of 244 lbs this week.  I used to be weird about weighing myself.  I couldn’t weigh on Mondays because it wasn’t fair to myself to weigh after a weekend.  I couldn’t weight in the evening because of all that water weight.  As I reflect on how I used to think about the scale it makes me a bit embarrassed.  I think unconsciously I thought I could trick the scale.  It’s silly to think about, but that was how I was wired.  Weight was self value.  It wasn’t data, it was emotions.

Now I mostly weigh myself when I have a free second from chasing around children or school work.  We had a fussy 4 month old Sunday night into Monday so I was up earlier than planned and I just stepped on the scale as something to bring me out of the morning fog.  I actually weighed twice because I didn’t believe the 243.  Since November, even though I’m feeling much better and clothes continue to fit differently, I haven’t been able to lose that next pound.  Why did it happen now?

I don’t have the answer yet, but hopefully the process of continuing to reflect on the changes I’ve made will help me find a few places to refine and continue the next steps toward more weight loss.  Breakfast is much different for me.  Really my whole morning and early afternoon is much different.  2 things have been necessary to kick the hunger cravings throughout the day.

Dark Chocolate.  And more dark Chocolate.  It took me awhile to change my palette from the sugary laced chocolate I was eating.  Remember, I started with 100-200 calories of chocolate sauce in my coffee.  But now I can only handle dark chocolate.  I ate a piece of candy from our kids’ spring baskets over the weekend and I almost spit it out.  Dark Chocolate fulfills that sweet craving but it also makes me feel full.  It’s amazing!  Train yourself to like Dark Chocolate to help with the snack cravings.  2-3 squares of dark chocolate in the late afternoon does wonders.

Secondly, I feasted at night.  Because I have been eating little carbs during the day, I let myself go at our evening meal.  My wife may have already thought I’m nuts, but she thought so for sure after I started feasting.  Before June 2016 I was eating 400+ grams of carbs regularly.  Even when feasting on something like spaghetti, I rarely go over the 200-250+ range, now.  For me that release with food at night has made it easier for me to stick to the plan during the day.  Because the carbs trigger my hunger gene, limiting during the day is much more important than what I eat at night.

What I was eating before didn’t just trick my body.  It wrapped my emotions around food in a way that I found myself relenting control.  Don’t misunderstand me.  I still eat food that I shouldn’t.  But now when I do it is because I chose to for the taste or for enjoyment with people around me or for a weird release after a stressful week.  I choose what I eat now and when I do splurge it is much more fun.  What is crazy is that I still rarely eat more than 3,000 calories in a day.

Processed foods are processed so that you will eat more.  It’s easy to blame the companies or seed companies that grow the ingredients for these foods, but think about it.  Companies want to make money so they want us to eat more.  It is only natural that they have designed products that we want and desire.  I am at fault for my health because I decided to be disengaged from my food.  Food companies will change if we demand products based in health and relationship with food.

I had to realize that I was no longer in control.  It has been hard.  When I first tracked my diet without attempting to change anything, I felt bad about myself most days.  But I started to realize that I wasn’t really choosing foods anymore.  I was eating thoughtlessly.  Food is so much more fun now because I’m thinking about it and no matter what I eat tomorrow, I will choose to eat it.

Choose Dark Chocolate.  It has been essential in my transition toward a better relationship with food.

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